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GOP ON OBAMA'S PEACE PRIZE: ACORN RIGGED THE VOTING


"Barack Hussein Obama has not yet proven he was born on this planet," said Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, "and without an earth birth certificate, he is not eligible for the prize."

 



Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Upon the news of the surprise announcement that President Barack Obama won this year's Nobel Peace Prize, Republicans began protesting like a mad tea party on steroids. "We need to begin a full scale investigation of how ACORN illegally helped Obama win," said House Minority Leader John Boehner.

"We have to call a spade a spade and start calling him Obamacorn from now on," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell."

"The is completely unfair and partisan," said House Republican Whip Eric Cantor, "Bush didn't get one of these medals and he actually mission accomplished something, not like Obama, who we've been able to stall on everything he's tried."

"This is a blow to this country of ours and I weep for it," said Fox News host Glenn Beck. "First a Nazi Communist for president and now a peace prize. This not the America I have come to know and love."

Fox News talk-mate Bill O'Reilly said the award was undeserved and inappropriate to go to a president who would say something like, "hey, pass me the MF peace pipe, y'all."

"It's so outrageous," said former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich. "How could they give a peace prize to Obama, who got us into an immoral and illegal war in Iraq and a pointless one in Afghanistan?"

"Barack Hussein Obama has not yet proven he was born on this planet," said Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, "and without an earth birth certificate, he is not eligible for the prize."

Representative Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia was disappointed in the award to Obama. "I am afraid after winning this prize, he's really going to get all uppity, and I to show I didn't mean that in a racist way, I'll bet Obama if he doesn't get uppity, I'll buy him a bucket of fried chicken and a watermelon."

"It's not a surprise that a Marxist country like Finland who gives out these questionable awards would give one to a president that palls around with terrorist peaceniks," said former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin.

"The only people he even got to the peace table was an over zealous white cop and a black Harvard professor with a chip on his shoulder and he couldn't even get them to agree on a beer," said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.

"This vermin, who has moved his crack smoking wife and illiterate illegitimate children into a hijacked White House is clearly a affirmative action peace prize winner," said talk show host Michael Weiner, known to his fans as Michael Savage.

"If Obama is for peace in the world, I want peace to fail, no matter what the cost, no matter who has to die," said conservative talk show host, Rush Limbaugh.

Every single Republican has condemned the selection of Obama for this prestigious prize. Most Democrats are cautiously pleased, while some of the so-called Blue Dog Democrats are saying the prize should be shared with John McCain. McCain was unavailable for comment as he was still trying to count the houses he owns.

When asked what he thought of a standing American president getting the Nobel Peace Prize, former Vice President [sic] Dick Cheney said, "standing, sitting or shooting, who the hell would want that award?"

"This award had nothing to do with Obama," said political analyst Rebecca Stout of the Winters Institute, a Bethesda, Maryland think tank. "They would have given it to anyone who replaced Bush, even if it was Carrot Top."

Meanwhile, two more US troops were killed in Afghanistan today.

10 Oct 2009

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