BIN LADEN WAS HIDING IN OBAMA'S BASEMENT, FOX NEWS REPORTS
Satire by R J Shulman
DECATUR, Illinois - (PTSD News) - Fox News is reporting that for about three years, Osama bin Laden was living in the basement of a house owned by Barack Obama in this city 40 miles east of Springfield. The break in the case, according to Fox, occurred when they received a tip by a neighbor who had become suspicious. Wesley Comstock, a 43-year-old unemployed farm machinery worker who lived next to the house at 912 Calhoun Street, said, "I knew there was some funny business going on in that house with all them people wearing them turbines on their head and playing that loud Iraqi music."
There had been separate reports of a tall man in Arab dress attached to a machine of some sort. "Someone must have tipped off Osama bin Laden," said Roger Ailes of Fox, "because when we got there, all we found was a prayer rug, some anti-American videos and a used dialysis machine. They even left a little cat behind. The only person who could have told Bin Laden we were coming would have been Obama himself."
"We have good evidence that the house where Barack Hussein Obama hid Osama bin Laden was jointly owned by Obama, Bill Ayers -- the unrepentant terrorist -- and Reverend Wright, who all good and fair Americans know hates the US," said Bill O'Reilly.
"Barack Obama owns only one house and has never owned one in Decatur," said Franklin Wilson of the Obama campaign. "Besides, our preliminary research indicates that the house is actually owned by Cindy and John McCain," Franklin said.
"I don't know how many houses I own," McCain said, "but I don't recall owning that one."
13 October 2008
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CLGers: A little troll on Reddit doesn't like this essay: "champlain32: I've sent the link, and photo of this obvious smear to Fox news. When I spoke to them they told me they will be contacting the owner of Citizens for Legitimiate [sic] Government webmaster and if this post is not deleted they will prosecute. No shit."
LRP responds: Uh, that would be *no brains,* because the essay is clearly marked satire.
R J Shulman responds: This made my day. I expect to see Bill O'Reilly's goon squad at my door any moment. All I have to say to Fox is that I report it and they can decide.