BUSH: I'VE ALMOST MISSION ACCOMPLISHED THE ECONOMY
Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - President [sic] Bush told investors today not to worry about the economy, telling them that he had the whole "money thing in the bag and under control." Bush gave the short speech at the White House rose garden instead of the speech he had originally planned to make from an air craft carrier while dressed in a fighter pilot uniform. "It took a while, but we finally convinced the President that the being a 'top gun' had nothing to do with the current financial crisis," said a White House spokesman.
The Post Times Sun Dispatch obtained a copy of the original speech. Here are some of the highlights:
My fellow Americans, I am here to speechicate to you today about the economy and to tell you the money surge is working.
Just like when I bull-horned you all to go shopping after 9-11, I'm telling you to go shopping for stocks in the market place with all the stocks. I promise I will hunt down the terrorist killers who have been responsible for attacking Wall Street and smoke them out, dead or alive.
I am pleased that we have made sure that the wealth will stay with the wealthy who can continue their trickling down all over the American people.
"The President has once again displayed his leadership," said White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, "just like he did with Hurricane Katrina, the Iraq war and catching Osama bin Laden.
19 September 2008
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