CHENEY VOLUNTEERS FOR OBAMACARE DEATH PANEL

Cheney said he would donate his collection of waterboards and other so-called enhanced interrogation equipment.

Satire by R J Shulman
BUNKER HILL, Wyoming - (PTSD News) - Once a fierce opponent to health care reform, former Vice President [sic] Dick Cheney made a surprise announcement that he now fully supports President Barack Obama's vision of health care. "When I learned that under Obama's health care bill there was going to be a death panel," Cheney said, "I realized that the president had finally gotten it right."

"In fact," Cheney continued, "after researching candidates to head the panel, I have nominated myself to be the death panel chairman." Cheney said that when it comes to experience, "who better than he to go the the dark side if necessary to carry out the elimination of unnecessary people?"

Cheney explained there would be huge savings to health care if old people were eliminated. "So much of our American tax dollars are wasted on the elderly who are going to die soon anyway," Cheney said. "I just can't wait to start passing judgment on some of those aging Woodstock hippies."

In another cost-cutting move, Cheney said he would donate his collection of waterboards and other so-called enhanced interrogation equipment. "These devices help give meaning to the last few moments of a person's life. Meaning to me, of course," Cheney added.

President Obama has also received applications for service on the death panel from Dr. Jack Kevorkian aka “Doctor Death," Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, former President [sic] George W. Bush, and former Alaska half-term Governor Sarah Palin, who expressed interest in shooting old people from helicopters.

President Obama has tried to tell people at town meetings that there will be no death panels, but has been consistently been drowned out by shouting protesters.

15 Aug 2009

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