CHENEY'S ONE REGRET: I SHOULD HAVE TRIED CANNIBALISM

'I would have to choose more conservatively, and maybe look for someone with a little less gristle, perhaps Sarah Palin.'

Satire by R J Shulman
NEW YORK – (PTSD News) – In a candid interview with Fox News commentator Sean Hannity, outgoing Vice President [sic] Dick Cheney said that overall, his eight years in office were quite fulfilling. "I got to invade and decimate helpless countries, oversee torturing prisoners to death, funneled funds to Halliburton on no bid contracts, spied on citizens and outed spies, watched a whole city drown and witnessed millions thrown out of their homes. But I do have one regret," Cheney said, "and that is that I didn't eat anyone."

When asked by Hannity who would be at the top of his menu, Cheney said, "Michael Moore looks pretty juicy." But Cheney backtracked a bit. "If it is true that you are what you eat, I would have to choose more conservatively, and maybe look for someone with a little less gristle, perhaps Sarah Palin."

When a viewer called in and asked the vice president if killing and eating another human wasn't the most barbaric thing you could do, Cheney replied, "So?" Cheney then told Hannity, "They say you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer. What could be closer than having your enemies inside your gut?"

"Actually, I think Cheney got his wish," said another caller from Nevada, "because America has been eating its young for some time now."

17 January 2009

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