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LARRY CRAIG: I DID NOT MEET GOVERNOR SANFORD IN BUENOS AIRES

"I am not his Maria."

 



Satire by R J Shulman
COLUMBIA, South Carolina - (PTSD News) - Idaho Senator Larry Craig is denying rumors that he was the object of Governor Mark Sanford's affections in Argentina. The South Carolina governor admitted today that he has had a yearlong affair with a woman in Argentina. South Carolina's largest newspaper, The State, published alleged e-mail exchanges between Governor Sanford and the woman named Maria. "I love my wife, I am not gay, and I abhor the bathrooms at that Buenos Aires Airport," Craig told reporters in Boise today after the news broke that he may be romantically involved with Sanford. "While I sometimes I go by the name of Maria," Craig said. "I am not his Maria."

Governor Sanford admitted in a news conference that he had escaped to Argentina to participate in an extramarital affair over Father's Day weekend, abandoning his wife and four children. "I thought it was strange that Sanford admitted an affair with a mysterious woman so quickly," said political analyst Frank Billious, "the fact that this so-called woman has not surfaced adds to the suspicion that Sanford has not come clean. Now, if he claimed he went to Argentina to meet with some old Nazis who had escaped there from Germany, I would believe that of a Republican -- but not that he was meeting a woman."

The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained flight records from Aerolineas Argentinas and discovered that a Maria L. Craig flew from Minneapolis to Buenos Aires on the same day Governor Sanford left South Carolina for South America. Adding to the rumor that Craig is involved with Sanford is the word of Raul Talamante, a washroom attendant at the Buenos Aires Airport who claims to have seen Craig and Sanford emerge from a bathroom stall. "There was some mighty tapping going on in there," Talamante said, "I thought the pipes were going to explode."

If Governor Sanford is telling the truth, he will be only the second Republican politician of the many who have been unfaithful to their wives to have had an affair with someone of the opposite sex.

"There may be some hope for the GOP," said RNC Chairman Michael Steele, "in that we may have finally purged the party of homosexuals."

 

25 June 2009

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