Times have changed in what is important in educating our youth. The traditional three Rs -- reading, writing and the other one -- are not enough. Now it's the three G's -- God, guns and gays.
Satire by R J Shulman
NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - The Post Times Sun Dispatch has
obtained a copy of the original manuscript of Sarah Palin's book, Going
Rouge: An American Life. The manuscript, originally titled, You
Betcha I'm Qualified: How a Failed Weather Girl Almost Got Her Revenge,
apparently went through a major rewrite at the insistence of her publisher,
HarperCollins. Going Rogue is scheduled for release on the
17th of November, but due to bulk purchasing by conservative organizations,
the book has already climbed to the number one sales rank position on
the Barnes & Noble website.
However, here are unedited selections from the original You Betcha version.
Chapter 3 - I'll Vote For That
As a good American, you must make sure you have done your homework so you are prepared when you go to vote, and that means exercising your Second Amendment rights by bringing the right gun and ammo to make sure your vote is counted and that others who show up to vote will come to understand why they should vote the same way you did.
Chapter 5 - There Is Only One Letter Difference Between Friends and Fiends
Choose your friends wisely, because you don't want to end up palling around with terrorists. So take a potential friend waterboarding, if you know what I mean, and if they confess to hating America, then they are not your friend, while on the other hand if they don't confess or die, they are true friendship material.
Chapter 8 - What You Can Learn Right From Home
The power of home schooling can never be underestimated. To learn all kinds of important stuff, you should take the time to see what you can see from your house. If you see a foreign country like -- let's say Russia -- you are an expert in international affairs; while if you see a bank, you can know all about finances and investing; and, if you see someone speaking Spanish, you know how to solve the illegal immigrant invasion problem. If you see a storm coming, you are qualified to be the head of FEMA, but you still might have to see Arabian Horses from your house for that job.
Chapter 11 - No Country For Old Men
I think our Jewish friends, the ones who hate Communists and have sworn off stealing Christian children, would call you-know-who an alter cocker, which in Jewish means an old person who is losing bodily functions, well that is what they would call the you-know-who at the top of the ticket who lost the election for me. I mean, he was so old, he didn't know how may houses he owned or what he could see from those houses.
Chapter 13 - Moose-o-lini Slept Here
It is important to know if the president is more like a fascist like Adolf Hitler or Chairman Mao, or like John Lennon and Groucho Marx who were Communists so you know which body to paste the face of this president on, lets say someone like Barack Obama, for instance, when you make a sign to go to protest with all of your anger at the wrong kind of person who is sleeping in the White House.
Chapter 23 - Forget the Three Rs
Times have changed in what is important in educating our youth. The traditional three Rs -- reading, writing and the other one -- are not enough. Now it's the three G's -- God, guns and gays. This is needed to combat the propaganda of a president who has the audacity to talk to school children about something other than a pet goat.
The Post Times Sun Dispatch (and Citizens for Legitimate Government) will offer more selections for this book in future issues.
05 Oct 2009
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