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OBAMA: GITMO DETAINEES TO BE SENT TO AIG, CITIBANK AND BEAR STEARNS

 



Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON -- (PTSD News) -- President Barack Obama announced today at a press conference that the detainees at the US prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, will be transferred to AIG, Citibank, Bear Stearns and other troubled banks and financial firms starting June 1.

“These detainees will need something to keep them out of trouble,” Obama said. “So, sending them to these beleaguered firms will keep them completely occupied. Besides, they couldn’t mess things up any worse than the regular Wall Street gang did.”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said, “the best way to win the hearts and minds of Muslim terrorists is not showing them shock and awe, but showing them an opportunity through good old American greed.”

Also revealed Friday, Obama reversed himself on his plans for the outright closing of the Guantanamo prison facility. “My most important job as president is to keep Americans safe,” Obama said. “so I am keeping the prison open to keep the worst threats to the US off American soil and that will include disgraced financier Bernie Madoff, former Enron CEO Ken Lay -- who was recently found alive in the Cayman Islands -- and the man who remains the greatest threat to our democracy, Dick Cheney.”

22 May 2009

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