GOP CONGRESSMEN: NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO HEALTH CARE EXCEPT US

The new 'Harry and Louise' ad that is set to air Monday features Harry killing Louise because under Obama's socialized medicine plan, doctors are forced to tell Louise how to commit suicide.

Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Saying that they will fight to the death to stop any reform of America's health care system, Republican senators and representatives have stepped up their attacks on every health-care reform bill. "There is nothing in the Bill of Rights that says a citizen has a right to be alive, let alone be healthy," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky. "And since the first ten amendments to the Constitution were written by God, anyone who wants to propose a bill that changes any rights hates Jesus."

Now that the vote on health care has been delayed until after Congress takes its long summer recess, Republicans have vowed to flood the airwaves with anti-health care messages. The new 'Harry and Louise' ad that is set to start Monday features Harry killing Louise because under Obama's socialized medicine plan, doctors are forced to tell Louise how to commit suicide. "I had to stop her for committing the mortal sin of killing herself and used my Second Amendment right to shoot her through the head," Harry says. "I know Jesus will forgive me so I will meet up with my beloved wife in heaven, a place that is not run by government programs."

In addition, Republicans will tell Americans that Obama's heath care plan will take away their guns, Bibles, beer, pickup trucks, will ban NASCAR and change all country music stations to ones playing nothing but Russian operas in order to grant free health care for illegal aliens, welfare mothers, and Muslim terrorists.

Another ad, featuring Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), asserts that a public option will destroy the profits of the insurance companies who will not only be unable to pay their CEO bonuses but will be forced to curtail campaign contributions to members of congress. In the ad, Hatch rummages through a dumpster behind a fast food restaurant. He tells the audience, "since Obama's public option has ended congressional payments from big insurance and big pharma, I am now forced to do dive into this trash to feed my family. Did you know my granddaughter's first word was 'dumpster?'"

When accused of using scare tactics and of flat out lying about health care reform, Senate Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) said, "you would lie to save your baby from a mad killer, or your friends from a terrorist -- so you would certainly lie so save America from a Communist take over."

President Barack Obama was unavailable for comment because he was having a beer with some police officers and citizens who had previously been yelling at each other.

01 Aug 2009

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