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  GOP SEES CHANCE OF STEALING ELECTION SLIPPING AWAY

"We are running out of smear ideas and ideas for voter suppression," said Karl Rove. "What we are the most afraid of, is that the next president of the United States will actually be a man who, I shudder to think of this, a man who actually won the election."



Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON (PTSD News) As polls indicate that Senator Barack Obama is slowly pulling away from rival John McCain, Republican leaders are concerned they will not be able to steal the election. "We project that we can overcome up to seven points of an actual Obama lead with the strategy we have in place," said Winthrop Downing of the Republican National Committee.

Downing told the Post Times Sun Dispatch that this strategy, named Operation American Freedom, which was used successfully in 2000 in Florida and in 2004 in Ohio, uses shock and awe to disorient the opponent. "While black box tampering, challenging student, black and recently foreclosed voters, generic voter intimidation and voter roll purges have proven successful in the past," Downing said, "we may not be able to prevail if Obama gets more than 54 percent of the vote."

"We were hoping the relentless personal attacks on Obama, you know, that he is an angry black Muslin intent on teaching sex to your kindergartner, would soften up his numbers enough for us to be in reach of pulling the victory from him, but he as been bobbing and weaving like Muhammad Ali on steroids," said Barbara White, a GOP strategist.

"We did make some progress when we tricked the media into covering the ACORN story thinking it was about real voter fraud," White said. "Of course, no one with those wild names will show up to actually vote, but media focus on ACORN allows us to challenge more legitimate voters. More importantly, while the media is swarming all over the little acorn, the mighty tree of GOP vote stealing will go unnoticed, even though it will cost more than 3 million Democrat votes."

Polls in several key swing states are now showing an increased lead for Obama. "We just needed that old fool McCain to keep it close enough," said a GOP staffer who wished to remain anonymous, "but he seems to be losing it. Just yesterday he got so mixed up at a rally he told a crowd in western Pennsylvania that he agreed with Obama that they were a bunch of angry rednecks. And Palin? A moose would be more qualified to be veep."

"We are running out of smear ideas and ideas for voter suppression," said Karl Rove. "What we are the most afraid of, is that the next president of the United States will actually be a man who, I shudder to think of this, a man who actually won the election."

24 October 2008

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