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  GOP to Counter Dem Convention With New Strategy: It's the Obama, Stupid

Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON As the Democratic Party Convention opens today in Denver, the Republicans are countering with a new campaign strategy to neutralize any momentum Barack Obama might try and generate from the Colorado festivities. The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained a copy of the memo which sets forth the new Republican strategy.

MEMORANDUM
Highly confidential - proprietary information
To: TOP CAMPAIGN MANAGERS
From: KARL ROVE
Date: AUGUST 25, 2008
Re: IT’S THE OBAMA, STUPID

As you all know, the last time the Democrats won the White House it was due in large part to the clever Clinton people coming up with the slogan, “It’s the economy, stupid.” We won the White House back with “It’s the stupid, stupid,” the idea Americans wanted a cuddly but dumb President, a guy just as moronic as the guy you would sit and have a beer with. McCain is just not that cuddly. As a matter of fact, the less the American people know about the flip-flopping, war mongering, anger driven, over the hill McCain, the better. So in order to get this race close enough to steal, we have to make this campaign about how bad Obama is and that McCain is not Obama. Hence the slogan -- "It’s the Obama, stupid.”

Here’s our plan:
1. We must try and convince the American people that Obama is a Muslim with a bad Christian preacher – I don’t have to tell how hard it will be to overcome that kind of logic, but Fox News has us halfway there.
2. Convince those angry white females that Obama stole it from Hillary and that she still has a chance – again, this keeps the focus off McCain.
3. Keep hinting to America that Obama is an angry black man, without direct reference to race – use words like -- “uppity” or “those people” as in “95% of those people will vote for him because he’s their kind, kind of candidate, that is.”
4. Portray Obama, the guy who grew up in poverty and worked his way through Harvard as the elitist, and not McCain, the guy who owns untold houses and who married a beer heiress. Again should be impossible, but Fox has us halfway there.
5. Convince the Americans that Obama is the flip-flopper, even though it’s been McCain who’s flopped more than a beached school of fish.
6. Convince them Obama is for the same power structure in Washington and that it’s McCain who’s the maverick, even though he voted with Bush 95% of the time – again, the media is helping us with this one.
7. Saying Obama is responsible for the high price of oil for opposing unrestricted drilling, and as such, Obama’s position is worse than that of “drill anywhere” McCain who’s supported Bush’s disastrous energy policy that has increased our dependence on foreign oil.
8. Saying the real candidate for hope and change in not Obama, but McCain – we are still working on this one.
9. Saying Obama is bad for America because he won’t sing the national anthem with his hand over his heart, and for America to ignore that McCain sings “Bomb-bomb-bomb Iran,” with his hand on the button.

Again, if this election has anything to do with McCain, we lose. If it is about the Obama we introduce to America, we win, even if our candidate is a senile moron, who thinks the cold war is still going on in Czechoslovakia.


So remember, my friends - It’s the Obama, stupid.

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