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GOP TO TAKE POLITICAL ADVANTAGE OF TERRORIST TRIALS

'America will see it's Republicans who want to keep them safe with our fair and balanced torture program.'

 



Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - No sooner did Attorney General Eric Holder announce that five high-profile detainees from Guantanamo Bay prison were going to be brought to trial in New York than the Republicans sprang into action. "We're so excited Holder is bringing those terrorists here for trial," said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. "Now we can go to town with our fake outrage."

"Our message to the American people is that the Muslim-infested Democrat Party brings terrorists into our country to make heroes of them. We will pound this message 24/7 on Fox, and the other networks will soon pick up on it. This is manna from heaven," said House Minority Whip Eric Cantor. "America will see it's Republicans who want to keep them safe with our fair and balanced torture program."

What American would vote Democrat again when we tell them liberals are granting special rights to those terrorist killers," Texas Senator John Cornyn asked, "special rights like the right not to be tortured, the special right not to be denied an attorney, and the special right not to be put away for life without a trial? What's next for these Democrat special rights granters? The right for gay Muslims to marry?"

"I can't believe this outrageous pre-9/11 approach is being proposed in my city," fumed former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani. "If I had been made mayor for life, like I should have been after 9/11, I would never let these 9/11 terrorists set foot in my post-9/11 city. Did I forget to mention 9/11?"

Former Vice President [sic] Dick Cheney also had harsh words for the Democrats. "Don't these idiots know you can't go to the dark side if trials are out in the open?"

"It's a good thing that I and the Republicans had the good sense to block socialized medicine," said Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman (I), "or those terrorists would be getting free taxpayer-paid health care."

"If I only had this issue during the campaign," said Senator John McCain, "I would have wiped Obama all over the electoral map, even with that albatross Palin on my back."

The former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, taking a break from her book tour, added had her own comment on the terrorist trials coming to New York. "Where are those Obama death panels when we need them?"

18 Nov 2009

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