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INSURANCE LOBBY REDUCES UNEMPLOYMENT BY HIRING THUGS FOR TOWN HALL MEETINGS

UnitedHealthcare, CIGNA Health Insurance, and the Republican National Committee have hired an estimated 5,500 unemployed thugs, bullies, and emotionally challenged people to swarm town hall meetings to shout down any intelligent discussion on the issues.

 



Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Those angry voices shouting slogans against health care reform at town hall meetings come from a group that is actually grateful: Thanks to the insurance lobby, they have recently left the ranks of the unemployed.
UnitedHealthcare, CIGNA Health Insurance, and the Republican National Committee have hired an estimated 5,500 unemployed thugs, bullies, and emotionally challenged people to swarm town hall meetings to shout down any intelligent discussion on the issues.

"I'm supposed to yell stuff like 'Obama's healthscare reform wouldn't even work in Kenya, where Obama was born,'" said Cliff Fegelmeyer of Easton, Pennsylvania. Fegelmeyer was recently hired by UnitedHealthcare after being laid off by an auto parts maker last September.

"I kind of liked Obama," said Hennie Reece of Tarboro, North Carolina, "but he didn't get me a job -- CIGNA did. I get travel expenses to go to the meetings and say bad things about health care reform."

"I've been out of work since 2000 when the Republicans paid me to yell at them vote counters who were trying to have Al Gore steal the election from a real American, George W. Bush," said Bull Casey of Elkhart, Indiana. "So it was great when they called me back and told me to go to a meeting and call Obama a Communist Nazi leftist fascist."

Thug unemployment had topped the 10% mark in late May, a little above the national average. Due to the sudden hiring frenzy by big insurance and the GOP, the unemployment level for thugs has dropped to 6.3%.

"It' a thug's life for me," said Billy Singleton of Laurel, Delaware. Singleton had just returned from a town hall meeting in Lebanon, Pennsylvania, where he held a sign that said, "Obama will kill your grandmother, so he can give health care to Spanish speaking Muslim terrorist illegal alien rapists."

When asked what he really thought about health care reform, Jerold Hart of Mariana, Florida, said, "I don't have to worry about it any more, now that my new employer, UnitedHealthcare, gave me some good health insurance benefits."

13 Aug 2009

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