LIEBERMAN OPERATION SUCCESSFUL: LIPS REMOVED FROM BUSH'S BUTTOCKS

'I get to keep my lips and my chairmanships of my Senate committees.' --Senator Joe Lieberman

Satire by R J Shulman
BETHESDA, Maryland -- (PTSD News) -- In a painful sixteen hour operation performed at Bethesda Medical Center, a team of doctors has successfully separated Senator Joe Lieberman’s lips from the posterior of President [sic] George W. Bush. “It was touch and go for a while,” said Dr. Siddhartha Gupta. “We didn’t know if we were going to lose a lip or a buttock, but it all worked out.” The doctors had a brief scare when it appeared they had lost the President’s right cheek.

“I wouldn’t of minded losing my right rear that much,” quipped President Bush, “because that would of remained me with a left behind and that is the book Laura has promised to read after she finishes that one 'bout that pet goat.”

“This is a real red and blue letter day for me,” said Connecticut Independent Senator Joe Lieberman, who had to type his responses due to sore lips, “I get to keep my lips and my chairmanships of my Senate committees.” Speculation had grown that the Democrats would strip him of his committees in retaliation for his support of Senator John McCain. However, they did not take action against him.

“We have entered a new age of tolerance,” said one Washington insider. “Or maybe the donkeys have shorter memories than the elephants. If Republican lips had gotten too close to Clinton buns, that Republican would be on the next hunting trip with Dick Cheney.”

Sources close to Barack Obama say they are pleased that Lieberman’s operation had gone well, but are secretly worried about Obama’s safety. “We’re concerned about those loose Lieberman lips getting too close to the President-elect,” said newly named Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel. “so we have given special CYA instructions to the President-elect.”

“We generally do not see this much ass kissing in the free world,” said Ridley Mountblanc, a professor of international affairs at Stanford, “that kind of survival behavior is usually reserved for tyrants and dictators.”

19 November 2008

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