NORTH KOREA LAUNCHES LONG RANGE ROCKET WITH 100000 MILE/TEN YEAR WARRANTY

Experts say North Korea extended missile warranty will wreak havoc with America's big three missile makers.

Satire by R J Shulman
Pyongyang, North Korea -- (PTSD News) -- Despite threats of retaliation from the United States, at 11:30 a.m. on Sunday, North Korea launched a long range missile with a twist - they are guaranteeing the rocket for 100,000 miles or ten years. “This bold defiance of the excepted standards of the world community is a threat to the global missile makers community,” said Charles Kramer, president of the World Missile Manufactures.

Experts say North Korea extended missile warranty will wreak havoc with America’s big three missile makers. “If we are not immediately bailed out by Congress,” said Lance Blowfield of General Missiles, “we will have to declare bankruptcy.”

“We cannot take this situation lightly,” said President Barack Obama, commenting in Paris where he was in a meeting with French President, Nicolas Sarkozy. “If we allow our domestic missile industry to die, we will lose jobs which will further depress the economy.” President Sarkozy suggest that Obama immediately surrender. “In France, the white flag allows us to forget about the expenses of war so we can concentrate of what we French people do best, make wine and cheat on our spouses.”

“If we don’t make our own missiles in America anymore, we would have to get them from China” said Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. “This could be embarrassing if we needed these weapons to protect Taiwan from Chinese aggression and had to ask the Chinese to send us some rockets to be used against them.”

“The Americans shouldn’t be so upset about getting their rockets from China,” said Fa Ho Shin, of the Chinese embassy, “after all, rockets were invented by the Chinese.”

“It may be too late in that our weapons manufacturing has been mostly outsourced already,” said General Brian Capstone, commander of the White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico. “We had a malfunction the other day. We called tech support and got some guy named Chuck in India. I couldn’t understand a damn word of what he was saying and our next test missile went haywire and almost took out El Paso."

“The problem with our missile industry can clearly be laid at the door of the MWA or Missile Workers of America union which has made it too costly to make missiles in the US,” said Senator John McCain (R-Ariz.). “We are going to need for the workers to make concessions by accepting lower pay and safety standards.”

“We can’t keep looking to old fossil fuels to power our missile program,” said Al Gore to a joint session of Congress. “We have to come up with new earth friendly sources of energy for our missiles like wind and solar so we can be more green when we blow up the rest of the world.”

KCNA, the North Korean News agency, touted their new missile as having the highest crash test rating in the world. “No other missile has been crashed more times than our Super Nice Kim Jung-Il Ultra Rocket,” said Sin Son Ho, North Korean ambassador to the United Nations.” US intelligence agrees, confirming that the missile crashed harmlessly into the ocean just east of Japan.

06 April 2009

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