SHOCKING REASON OBAMA STOPPED RELEASE OF TORTURE PHOTOS

"America wanted change," Obama said, "so I changed my mind on disclosing the pictures."

Satire by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON -- (PTSD News) -- The Post Times Sun Dispatch has uncovered the stunning truth behind President Barack Obama’s sudden turnaround on releasing the so-called torture photos. Far from the reason the President gave for withholding the photographs - to protect U.S. troops - the actual reason was driven by the potential harm the photos could cause the President and his plan to solve the great problems facing America. The most damaging photograph is not a picture of US soldiers mistreating terrorist suspects in Iraq, but is instead an image of President Obama himself, cheering on a semi-nude Miss California, Carrie Prejean, as she waterboards House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

“This is a triple threat to the stability of the country,” said a White House source, who wished to remain anonymous. “First, you have the President clearly supporting torture, and second, Nancy Pelosi obviously knowing all about waterboarding despite her protests to the contrary, and third -- most damaging of all -- you have Miss Prejean in an obscene picture that threatens to tear at the skimpy fabric of the cherished Miss USA pageant.”

“What is even more devastating,” the source continued, “is that in the background of the photo, a motherly figure holding an apple pie is standing next to a Chevrolet that has a baseball glove on its hood. This one picture makes a mockery of everything America holds dear.”

“America wanted change,” Obama said, “so I changed my mind on disclosing the pictures. In fact, these pictures are so bad, I've changed my mind about Americans. When it comes to truth in government, I just don’t think they can handle the truth.”

Other pictures obtained by the Post Times Sun Dispatch show Dick Cheney in J. Edgar Hoover’s dress, a drunken US general surrendering to the French, Condoleezza Rice debriefing President [sic] Bush – and yes they were boxers, and most disturbing of all, pictures of Ann Coulter’s botched sex change operation.

“You can’t blame Obama for trying to keep those images away from the American public," the source said, "No amount of psychoanalysis, drugs or shock therapy could erase those horrendous images.”

17 May 2009

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