TEA BAGS HEADED FOR PROTEST CAPTURED OFF SOMALI COAST

"All in all, I think telling our followers to have a spontaneous grassroots protest was a success," said Sean Hannity.

Satire by R J Shulman
MOGADISHU, Somalia -- (PTSD News) -- Ships carrying tea originating in China were captured by pirates off the coast of Somalia, causing a shortage of tea bags for a conservative “tea party.” Fox News and powerful Republican support groups had organized a “grassroots” tax and spend protest to coincide with tax day, loosely based upon the Boston Tea Party of 1773.

“We believe that President Obama directed the pirates to attack the ships carrying the tea bags," said Fox News Channel anchor Neil Cavuto.

“We need a Congressional investigation to determine just when Obama joined the Somali pirates,” former Speaker of the House, conservative author and pundit Newt Gingrich said on Fox.

A shortage of tea bags did not dampen the revolutionary spirits of some protesters. “I was not going to let a shortage of tea bags stop me from expressing my personal views,” said Dwayne Stump of Charlotte, North Carolina. “So when Fox told us to protest, I used garbage bags. You should see all the plastic floating in the river -- enough to choke Al Gore.”

“I didn’t like the previous bailout under Bush,” said Frank Hawke, “but when Fox gave us the OK to protest bailouts under Obama, that’s when you can count me in.”

Gail Huck of Johnson City, Tennessee said “Fox told me when W was giving all that money to Halliburton it was to keep us safe from terrorists, but Fox says the money Obama is spending is to give my hard earned money, if I still had my job, of course, to welfare mothers to buy crack and Kanye West CDs. So that is why I am protesting.”

When asked how it was that 99% of the protesters actually were now paying lower taxes under Obama’s plan than they were under Bush, tea party spokesman and Fox News Channel host Glenn Beck said, “Just like math, facts have a liberal bias.” A quick survey showed that the 1% who might pay higher taxes starting in 2011 were the high paid Fox News employees and the wealthy GOP supporters who called for the protest rallies.

In some parts of the South, protesters wore hoods. “We may not have had enough of them tea bags,” said Harley Koonce, of Opp, Alabama, “so we just used our trusty white sheets instead.”

“All in all, I think telling our followers to have a spontaneous grassroots protest was a success,” said Fox News Channel host, Sean Hannity. “It was especially effective to tell them that Obama’s confiscation of those tea bags was the first step in his plan to confiscate their guns, their Bibles and all of their gay-bashing literature.”

16 April 2009

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