Citizens for Legitimate Government, a multi-partisan activist group established to expose the Bush Coup d'Etat and oppose the Bush occupation in all of its manifestations.

Fear of a Black Phallus
By Earl Crown*

Why didn't any media outlets dig up Ted Haggard's dirt during the 2000 and 2004 elections? Because Dubya is white, and a mainstream Protestant. The only time a presidential candidate's religious beliefs are an issue is if the candidate is a person of color, or a Mormon, or Catholic, or a Muslim.

THE ONLY reason Fox News and their kind went trolling for dirt on Reverend Wright is because the candidate is Black. If Barack Obama was Bob Smith and lily-white, the media would not care what his spiritual advisors had to say.

George W. Bush had a "spiritual advisor" named Ted Haggard. Two years ago, it was discovered that the Reverend Haggard, a married man with children and a huge congregation, was smoking meth and having sex with a male prostitute. Haggard's meth and prostitute habit goes back YEARS, before the 2000 elections, and he was using church funds to finance his debauchery.

I wonder what kind of crazy, racist, lunatic shit Bush's current pastor says when they're golfing together.

So, why didn't any media outlets dig up Ted Haggard's dirt during the 2000 and 2004 elections? Because Dubya is white, and a mainstream Protestant. The only time a presidential candidate's religious beliefs are an issue is if the candidate is a person of color, or a Mormon, or Catholic, or a Muslim. But WASPs get a free pass.

The media's handling of this affair has been racist.

Some of what Rev. Wright has said seems true, to me. I certainly don't find it offensive. Most of what Reverend Wright has to say is actually accurate. Really, the only thing he said that I believe is a little nutty was that AIDS was invented by the government. I've heard this theory before, and it's paranoid hogwash. They can't really contain AIDS. Its affected the "square" population, as well, so I don't think AIDS is a government plot.

AIDS drugs, and their high prices, may be a case of collusion between the government and the pharmaceutical industry. But it is highly unlikely that the government invented AIDS.

The Reverend should not have to shut up, for moral reasons. He should be able to say what he wants.

But for practical, political reasons, he should have kept quiet until after the election. Rev. Wright may have single-handedly scuttled Obama's campaign.

I don't particularly care about Rev. Wright, but many people do. Beer-drinking, blue collar, white Democrats, especially in places like Indiana, if they were on the fence, they've now gone to Hillary's camp.

Barrack Obama would make a fine President. I voted for him, and I like him, and I don't give a fuck about Reverend Wright.

Nevertheless, somebody should have told this asshole to be quiet.

The Reverend clearly cares more about his own celebrity than Obama's potential presidency.

I think Wright has thrown Obama under the bus. (Also, I hate the phrase "under the bus." I invented it, personally, in 1985. Its played-out.)

Obama's original speech on this matter two weeks ago was BRILLIANT, and it effectively extinguished the media-fed fire.

If the Reverend had kept quiet from now until November, he would do more for the cause of Black Liberation, and he would have personal access to America's first black President.

Instead of moving forward as a nation, instead of enhancing our collective humanity, we have let a handful of corporate-owned news outlets tell us what is important. We have turned the election into the fucking Jerry Springer show.

God-damn America? God-damn right! I love my country, but I despise most of my countrymen. We are petty little Bigots, of all shades and creeds, fighting like rats over scraps of shit. GET TOGETHER MUTHAFUCKAHZ! Stop letting these rich assholes divide you over trivial bullshit.

To sum up:

The media sucks.

Right-wing media has used this non-issue to engage in race-bating. Hillary has gone along with it, because it benefits her.

This whole affair is shameful, not because of what Wright said, but because of how uptight and racist so many people seem to be.

Obama's campaign has been seriously, if not fatally damaged. He has now been forced to pander in order to calm the fears of the beer-drinking wing of the Democratic party that he needs to get the nomination. The Republicans are going to McGovern-ize Obama over this silly reverend, and we're gonna be stuck with that lunatic McCain!

Wright was right, but he should have had enough political savvy to shut up until after November.

This Reverend Wright debacle was a non-issue that has become the central focus of a campaign that SHOULD be focussed on the two wars, the economy, the environment, the massive national debt, crumbling infrastructure, environmental catastrophe, energy independence, and a whole host of other real problems.

In closing, I offer tasteless and tacky jokes from the media about Reverend Haggard.

As we speak, they're telling tasteless, tacky jokes about Reverend Wright.

Enjoy yourselves.

"Ted Haggard, the minister who was caught with a gay prostitute, has just finished a three-week sex addiction program. He says he is now 'completely heterosexual.' Haggard says he will prove he is completely heterosexual by having sex only with men who are completely heterosexual" --Conan O'Brien

"Good news for Reverend Ted Haggard. Remember him? He was the President of the National Association of Evangelicals, who resigned last fall after he admitted fondness for gay men and meth amphetamines. After the scandal, he checked himself into Gay-A, which is increasingly popular. And it looks like things worked out great [on screen: reports that Haggard is now completely heterosexual following three weeks of intensive counseling]. ... As a final test, he was forced to spend two grueling hours in a sauna with O-Town" --Jimmy Kimmel

"I have some sad news for the gays, as they're referred to. Unfortunately, they have lost one of their own this evening -- Ted Haggard, the evangelical preacher, who as you know, was caught doing meth and f**king dudes. The Denver Post is reporting that he is now 'completely heterosexual.' ... People say how did they ... turn this clearly gay man into a heterosexual? It's very simple. You know when you were a kid and your father caught you smoking. Then he decided to make you smoke a carton. Ted's been a busy boy." --Jon Stewart

.. -->more-->"Reverend Ted Haggard, president of the 30 million member National Association of Evangelicals, resigned his post this weekend after admitting to a three-year relationship with a gay hooker. Oh, and he also used and purchased crystal meth. Because if you're the head of a gay-hating organization and you're having a gay affair, why not go nuts?" --Jon Stewart

"Haggard was exposed by a male escort named Mike Jones, who said he was troubled by the hypocrisy of Haggard's public support for a Colorado initiative to ban same-sex marriage. And you know you're in trouble when you've ceded the moral high ground to a drug-dealing prostitute." --Jon Stewart

"This is a good rule for life: Look for whoever is the most against anything and you can almost guarantee they are that something they are against. The guy who devotes his life to fighting gay rights is gay. The guy working to pass the laws against child pornography is sending sex messages to teenage interns." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The leader of a Christian group has resigned after allegations surfaced that he frequently paid a man for sex. People are shocked because this guy's always been a critic of gay marriage. In defense, the Christian leader said, 'Hey, it's not like I married the guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

.More: "Ted Haggard, the leader of the largest evangelical organization in America, resigned because a gay male prostitute said that he and the reverend had been having lots of meth amphetamine-fueled sex. Now the reverend did the Christian thing earlier this week and denied it. Now he says, 'Okay, I did hire a gay male prostitute, but only for a massage.' To which Mark Foley said, 'I'm even calling this one b***sh*t.'" --Bill Maher

"Drugs? Nude massages? Is it getting to where you can't tell the Protestant clergy from a Catholic priest?" --Bill Maher

Earl Crown
01 May 2008

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*Opinions expressed in CLG's published essays are not necessarily those of the Citizens for Legitimate Government.



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