GOP TOWN HALL HANDBOOK REVEALED

Excerpts from the book entitled "Taking My Country Back from Those People"

'[Senator/Representative] Please explain whether Obama's plan would make us kill our grandmothers with poison or with a knife?'

Satire by R J Shulman
GRAYSON, New Mexico - (PTSD News) - The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained portion of a secret Handbook sent to loyal Republicans regarding what they should do at town hall meetings, originally established to discuss health care. The following are excerpts from the book entitled "Taking My Country Back from Those People."

Chapter One: Fail to the Chief

As you know, job one for the true patriot is to do whatever is necessary to make Barack Obama fail. Whatever he is in favor of you know is just his sick subversive plan to take away your guns, have illegal aliens take over your house, and grant abortions on demand to legally married gays.

(You will notice we don't call him 'President' because as you all know, he imported dozens of thugs from Kenya where he was born a Muslim, to rig the last election which he stole from our real president, Sarah Palin.) So, since Obama is in favor of health care reform, you have to be against it. Ignore all the America-hating liberals who tell lies that there is anything wrong with our health care system. Remember, if you don't have health care or your health insurance plan has just said they won't pay for your illness, it's only because you haven't been praying enough.

So keep shouting "we're number one, we're number one," to let them all understand that you are smart enough to know America has the greatest health care in the world. Alternative uplifting pro-life slogans to shout are, "Death to Health Care" "I'd rather die than be stuck with socialized medicine" and "Health care Reform: DOA."

Chapter Five: Know your Rights!

When those Christ-haters who own the media start to tell you that bringing guns and shouting down any discussion on health care is wrong, just tell them you are exercising your First and Second Amendment Rights. Having the God-given right to shouting and waving guns are all you need to know about your rights. The other stuff in the Bill of Rights is Communist propaganda. When Sarah Palin takes her proper place as our real president, she will abolish the useless Third through Tenth Amendment to the Constitution and replace them with the Ten Commandments.

Chapter Eleven: Questions to Ask your Representatives

If the shouting fails because you run out of slogans or your voice gives out, here are some questions to ask your Senator or Representative if you are forced to actually have a conversation on the issues of health care.

1. [Senator/Representative] Please explain whether Obama's plan would make us kill our grandmothers with poison or with a knife?

2. Was it three or four years that we would have to wait for a doctor in an emergency -- and will it be Pakistani or Iranian doctors we would get stuck with?

3. Should I get a fake ID that shows I am an illegal alien because they are the only ones who will get health care?

And, if you are lucky enough to attend a town hall meeting hosted by Obama himself, ask him:

1. Could you please tell me, Mr. Obama, just when did you stop beating your wife?

The Post Times Sun Dispatch will provide more of this handbook as soon as we can decipher more of it: The Dispatch's only copy had a bullet hole where the owner accidentally shot himself in the pocket with the handbook still in it.

31 Aug 2009

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