OBAMA ESCALATES WAR, GETS PEACE PRIZE; BUSH CAN'T READ, GETS NOBEL FOR LITERATURE
Shaming the recipient into reasonable behavior seems to be the theme of this year's awards. The Noble Prize for Literature went to former President [sic] George W. Bush. "While it's true he had trouble even reading "The Pet Goat," said Jagland, "we thought awarding the prize would shame him into learning how to read things like memos that say, "'Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.'"
Upon hearing he'd received the award, Bush said, "Mission Accomplished" about his novel based upon his life called, "Moby Bush." However, reliable sources claim he had written only the title page.
Coleen Hauser, who initially barred medical treatment for her son, 13 year-old cancer patient, Daniel Hauser, won the Nobel Prize for Medicine. This year's Chemistry Prize was won by Wang Xichol Chung of China for mixing the deadly chemical into pet foods. Chung's award was accepted posthumously by Win Ling Ho, because the Chinese government had executed Chung for his mistake.
The Nobel Prize for Physics was awarded to Tiger Woods for proving that two objects can't occupy the same space. "Not so much for finding out that an SUV and a tree can't do that, but that a wife and a mistress can't," Jagland said.
Finally, the Nobel Prize for Psychology was awarded to another American, former Vice President [sic] Dick Cheney. "Who better to know the psychology of creating group fear and spurring mass anger than Mr. Cheney?" Cheney was not present at the awards because he said Norway has socialized medicine and that he was too busy anyway, making an appearance on Fox News to foment fear of terrorists.
13 Dec 2009
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