PALIN NOMINATION GIVES HOPE TO THE CHRONICALLY UNQUALIFIED
Satire by R J Shulman
GRAYSON, New Mexico (PTSD News) - The stunning public acceptance of Sarah Palin as Senator John McCain's choice for his vice presidential running mate has been nothing short of a shining beacon of hope for Americans whose dreams of holding important positions have died because they were clearly not qualified. "The Palin pick is just one example of a maverick genius," said Rick Davis of the McCain campaign. "Not only did John have the guts to pick someone all underachievers could identify with, he picked someone who abused her power once she got it. Now tell me it is not the dream of the average person to suddenly have the ability to do in their enemies?"
"I was losing all hope of being the director of NASA," said Dwayne Bogardus, an unemployed fence installer from Loraine, Ohio. "But if Sarah Palin can say on the TV that seeing Russia from her house is all she needs to know about fighting them foreign enemies, then me seeing the moon from my house is all I need to know about rocket science."
"I can't wait to be appointed to the one that's in charge of the Air Force," said Shirley Bascomb of Plano, Texas, "because there is a dumb ex-husband of mine that needs to get a taste of a smart bomb."
"Now I don't have to give up my dream of being a starting pitcher for the Chicago Cubs," said Roy Strunk of Elk Grove Village, Illinois, "even if I was not good enough to make the little league team. All I have to do is act like a pit bull, put on some lipstick and it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game."
"I always wanted to be a surgeon and cut people and stuff," said Luke David Henderson of Tucson, Arizona who is serving time for assault and battery, "so I guess me watching all them hospital shows like Doctor House and Grey's Autonomy makes me good enough to start slicing."
"Sarah Palin is an inspiration to show you can still be somebody, even if you have screwed up, like supporting a bridge to nowhere and then be against it, so I figure I can get a second chance, too. I just can't wait to hear the President speak those immortal words again: "You're doing a heck of a job, Brownie," said former FEMA Director, Michael Brown.
17 September 2008
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