OUTBREAK OF SWINE FLU IN US TRACED TO RUSH LIMBAUGH

Satire by R J Shulman
New York -- (PTSD News) -- The World Health Organization has called it a “public health emergency of international concern." The swine flu virus has already infected millions in the United States, sparking worldwide alarm.

The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced on Tuesday that they have traced the origin of the flu to talk show host Rush Limbaugh. “This is extremely troubling,” said Sarah Tinsdale of the CDC, “as Limbaugh has contact with millions of Americans every day.”

Doctors say the symptoms of swine flu are getting hot under the collar with fever, the sudden inability to think for yourself, lack of appetite for the truth and diarrhea of the mouth.

“One minute I started sneezing,” said Roger Wombat of Hickory, North Carolina, “and the next minute I said I wanted President Obama to fail.”

“It was the swine flu that made me do it,” said Joseph Wynsocki of Lima, Ohio. “The fever took over my brain and I started to dismantle a Habitat for Humanity house that was slated for a welfare mother, brick by brick.”

Apparently, the swine flu epidemic was the cause of thousands of infected sufferers joining together in “tea parties” to protest Obama’s tax reduction, claiming it made them pay too much in taxes. “I temporarily lost the use of my brain,” said Wanda Flemming of New Rochelle, New York, who is recovering in a White Plains hospital.

“I had the radio tuned to Rush and all of a sudden I started vomiting out hatred toward poor people,” said Charlie Joe Briggs of Everett, Washington. “And I’ve been puking out garbage ever since.” Doctors at Seattle General Hospital have listed Briggs in guarded condition.

Researchers say the best way to avoid getting swine flu is whenever you hear the sound of Limbaugh or one of his “dittoheads” is to pull a mask over your ears. Scientists are concerned over the rapid spread of the flu. “If this disease keeps infecting people at this rate,” said Dr. Lester Philpot of the CDC, “America will change from a country of decent human beings to a nation of swine.”

28 April 2009

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