TEXAS LEGISLATURE VOTES TO REWRITE BIBLE
"The good Lord has smiled on us," said Carlton Bolton, the president and CEO of Hallelujah Press, a subsidiary of Halliburton, which received an exclusive no-bid contract to manufacture the new Bibles.
"The Bible was obviously written by Jewish liberals from New York," said Candace Sue Burnham (R-Plano). "So it's time we Christians take our Bible back to stress true family values such as hating gays, illegal Mexicans, Muslims and especially hating illegal gay Mexican Muslims."
"The current version of the Bible is riddled with communist propaganda about Jesus helping the poor," said Wayne Plugg (R-San Angelo)."That's obviously hogwash because if Jesus loved those poor people so much, he would have made them rich."
"Everyone knows that the gay agenda was to make sure the Bible left out all the gospels that our merciful Lord's greatest pleasure was to smite homosexuals," said Reverend Chuck Amer of the First Church of the Exploding Pentecost of Palestine, Texas. "So we're putting all that stuff back in."
The newly approved Bible, 'Bible: King James Dobson Version,' named after the founder of the popular Focus on the Family broadcasts, also adds the following passages: Anyone voting for Democrats must be stoned to death, global warming is Satan's favorite lie, greediness is next to godliness, people who don't speak English should be banished from the kingdom, and that slavery is not so bad if it can keep those people off the streets.
The hollowed out Bible also comes with a handgun inside.
"The good Lord has smiled on us," said Carlton Bolton, the president and CEO of Hallelujah Press, a subsidiary of Halliburton, which received an exclusive no-bid contract to manufacture the new Bibles. Bolton, a major contributor to the Bush/Cheney campaign and the Republican Party, stated, "this is proof that God helps those that help themselves."
14 Mar 2010
J Shulman on MySpace
Email this page to a friend.
Permanent URL for this page: http://www.legitgov.org/shulman_tx_legislature_rewrites_bible_140310.html